June was a bit uneasy, a bit of fun, a bit of this and a bit of that. Sounds a lot like every other month, but it really wasn't. There was a bit of weight to it and there were more than a few days I wanted to talk/type/write everything that was going through my head at that point in time. There's a lot of negativity in me and I put up a neutral, semi-tough front too often because I don't want my problems affecting others, I don't want to dull a mood talking about it when everyone else seem jovial. But the accumulation of bottled up anxiety, of silence and not standing up for myself turned into such toxicity, that it resulted in psychological trauma. All the arguments in my head are tiring me out, and in June, I felt that I reached a point where I had to discuss it with someone or it'd drive me off the edge of madness. It made me feel better when my close friends shed some light to the situation and advised me a thing or two, but it didn't really solve anything and I knew that the only solution had to come from within me. I had to make the switch, I have to love and believe in myself more and I must re-evaluate my questionable thoughts before the situation can start improving. It's no child's play at all, and I've broken down twice ever since. I want to keep entertaining the idea of disappearing, of moving elsewhere but that's not solving anything, that's just me running away from the problem and eventually, it'll catch up somehow right?
They say it's always darkest before dawn, I just can't wait to emerge from it.
No comments:
Post a Comment