Corey Asleep.

Yesterday on the counter, a board reads " 6 days to Christmas ". 

Had I not been reminded, I'd assume Christmas is not until a couple more weeks. December always does this to me. The cool weathered days gives off an impression that I have more than enough time to relax, take things easy and prepare for festive necessities. And so I do that, I list down a few things I would like to get done, the rain pitter pattering outside my window makes the best lullaby for long afternoon naps, and I drift off conveniently. 

Day by day I followed through this routine with such discipline, and then it happened. The realisation that the end of December's closing in. All of sudden, there are so many things to sort. Truth is, despite home being decorated with Christmas elements. The genuine excitement for it seem absent in me this year. The festive mood is dulled out everywhere I go, almost as if I've grown out of this magical season. But I know I haven't, and I know that it is because something is missing or perhaps unsettled in my life that's causing this emptiness. And yet if you ask me, I haven't an exact idea what the issue may be. 

On a side note, I have begun reading Murakami's Colourless Tsukuru Tazaki. Sara mentioned this to Tsukuru that struck a chord in me : "You can hide memories, suppress them, but you can't erase the history that produced them. If nothing else, you need to remember that. You can't erase history, or change it. It would be like destroying yourself." 

 This year more than usual, I found myself entertaining the thought on how different my life would be if significant decisions were made differently. Mainly, would I be happier today had we not moved when I was just a tiny little girl. Because even though I have such nice memories in this neighbourhood, I cannot help but feel like moving here was most likely the cause of my unhappy childhood. 

I guess I'll never know.