Last week by chance I found out about something about someone, and I guess it was meant to be a secret since I was kept in the dark, lied to for so long. This would have hurt me quite immensely had it still been 2013 / early 2014, when my heart was in a raw, disintegrating, painful state. I reacted to it with courage, with acceptance, without the thought of grudge, or self-pity. I was slightly taken aback, but my eyes were dry and my thoughts did not begin knotting up into a messy web. From this I knew that I acknowledged the change, that I'm okay with it now and typing this down seem so weird considering the ton of pessimistic shit I kept telling myself in my head back then, thinking I was sure to completely lose myself, my faith and my determination in a downward spiral.
I'm okay now. I'm really okay, and I semi can't believe I'm okay. But I guess what they say is right, that time heals it all, or at least it helps you get over certain depressing matters. You move on and along with time, and ever so often you don't even realise that you're recovering. Now I'm going to try my hardest not to be reminded of how I spent the last 2 years torturing myself. This is permanent, hopefully, and I know I will not look back on those miserable days, on him and especially on what could have been.
In other news, I'm helping around with house work more than usual lately and yesterday, I rewarded myself with a bowl of instant cheese ramen and kimchi to share with mum. Who invented cheese ramen? You will be the reason I get cancer.
So yummy though.
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